Recursing

I’ve been experiencing strange flashbacks. I sat in a small room, talking to one of my coworkers and suddenly I was plunged into feelings from years ago: raw ambition, the crisp concrete and glass feeling of an underground office, the sense that a grand game is afoot. It collided with my current reality, which was muted, demure, day-to-day, expected, and industrial metal and muted pastels.

I have more flashbacks like this: old times and old sensations blending into the reality of the current time. A friend texts me and asks me what’s going on, saying that people in the park are “acting strangely”. I explain that we’re fresh out of Pisces season as Mercury swings over Neptune, finally going direct from its hazy retrograde.

For me, the retrograde isn’t ending. This month’s card is the reversed Ace of Swords: doubling back, retrospection, tripling back, starts and stops and starts again. Doubts. Taxes. The regeneration of ideas born from frustrations. It seems like I always take on the Big Problems of the mind, and it unveils itself as a psychodrama: me versus the universe. It’s easy to forget that the universe is here to help, even if that help can be at times mercilessly punishing.

But these times are not punishing! It’s merely walking through a swamp, toes brushing against the things on the bottom that once were. Bones as reminiscences, bones as grounding elements, bones as the ancestry of ideas. There’s no quick way out of a swamp. Once in a while, take a break, climb up onto a tree, and see the forest.